just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
