Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
