What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
