this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
