We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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