Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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