Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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