I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
