I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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