You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
