Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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