last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
