adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
