I just saw a hot homeless man
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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