He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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