Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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