that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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