I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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