I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
