Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm just crazy horny about you
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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