you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
