but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
