The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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