she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I checked into jail on foursquare
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
