I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
