I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
