here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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