My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
