I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
