He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
