So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
