Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We left the knife in your bed.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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