I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
