His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
