doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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