Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sober January is a disaster.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
