guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
