I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
