The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
