apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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