she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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