So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
