For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You dont lie about slip and slides
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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