why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
