For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
