I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
