i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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