Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
In America we eat man semen.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize