Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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