I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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