I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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