i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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