i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
