Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
