I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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