my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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