So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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