i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Found the puke drawer
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
