If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
