lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
