I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
