i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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