before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
