So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
