How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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