So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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