He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
40s are totally the cure
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
