You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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