i would punch a child for taco bell
i just google imaged poop.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
